The Complaints of the Princes
by CretianStar
Summary: This is a Disney fic - not solely ArielxEric, but also Cinderella, Snow and Aurora - all set after their happily ever afters. When it seems that married life has its ups and downs! T for implications of naughtiness and swears


A/N: Okay few things – this is slightly cracky, very much gendered stereotyped and involves the "classical" princesses. Please don't get offended by the 'manly' activities and the 'princessy' activities – it's a crackshot. **Crackshot Please remember this.**

I loves you all anyway. This is why you will also have to forgive how this was posted. I am sorry!

* * *

The princesses would, naturally meet one another after all of their Happily-Ever-Afters happened.

First of all they met because their kingdoms had required them too; it was good for the sake of alliances and stopping possible turmoil at their borders. But the formalities fell away after Aurora moaned about how late they had to stay up for this ball and that state dinner, and Cinderella was wincing about aching feet…well the princesses **actually** became friends. They enjoyed one another's company and revelled in the stories they told to one another (how scandalous meeting Phillip in the woods alone) and they offered advice in the ways of life, love and their peoples.

Well, while all of this was happening their Princes' ended up being stuck together holding fruit punch and staring at the beautifully decorated walls. Well until Ferdinand made an innocuous comment about squirrels… a comment that Phillip picked up on.

"Squirrels?! God they're everywhere in my palace too!" He exclaimed.

"Same!" Florian Charming put down the crystal glass and laughed.

"You guys are lucky, I woke up yesterday morning to find an octopus in my bath tub!" Eric grumbled.

It was shortly after that moment that each Prince fell about laughing at small stories they told one another, just as their wives were doing on the other side of the ballroom.

~Disney~

When it was Aurora's turn to host the get-together, she opted to have her friends recline on large pillows in one of the smaller halls in order to fully enjoy themselves; she found she much preferred being laid back than to be sat upright in awful gilded chairs. She had one set for each of them; her, Cinderella, Snow White and Ariel.

When the Royal Processions arrived, Phillip was beside his wife on the terrace greeting their friends – he also had stepped away from royal protocol and had nabbed one of the cosier studies to entertain his guests, each of whom was used to the rich, princely ways of life. The dark panelled study was admired by each man as they made themselves comfortable on armchairs while servants poured the stronger spirits than what Aurora and her cohorts would be drinking.

The men chatted about charters and legislations for a while, each turning to the other for advice on wars in far off kingdoms, "heard there was something going on Agrabah way", and unrest within their own communities "I'm telling you the sparrows are rebelling". Laughs and jokes were soon rumbling between the group and witty anecdotes about courtiers and servants alike were shared between the men.

Then as the brandy started to slosh around inside of them, the moaning started.

"I can't deal with it anymore." Phillip whined.

"What's wrong mate?" Ferdinand frowned, reaching for the decanter.

"Like getting laid man, how hard is it to get laid?"

"Don't even start me off on it." Ferdinand said darkly but Phillip was on a whinge.

"Every time we come in from some event or other, she's fast asleep. That's it! Out like a light. She's barely shucked her clothes off, which she doesn't do in front of me anymore, and that's it…she's gone!" He pouted into his glass. "Got the pater going on at me to produce heirs, well I'd bloody like to try but honestly what am I supposed to do? Go at her while she's asleep!? That's just immoral." He grunted and beckoned Eric to hand over the brandy.

"That's a problem." Eric obliged his host and started thinking.

"Got it." Florian snapped his fingers. "Try it with her in the afternoon!" At the silence he gave his comrades a droll look and went onto explain. "Next week, make sure there's no Royal engagements and seduce her in the afternoon. Or even in the morning! Do NOTHING exhausting all day, no walking around, hunting… nothing! What's your valet like, good at keeping secrets? Tell him your plan and if he's a good sort of chap he'll make sure there's no early morning wake up calls from your servants." Florian said this all patiently, watching the dawning joy on Phillips face.

"You know, I just might try it." He hiccupped and waved his glass around. "Now can we change the subject, I can hear the giggling coming up the hall." He pointed a thumb behind him to the study door and not a moment too soon as Aurora knocked but soon floated into the room.

"We're off to bed darling," She yawned. "Long night and your lovely wives," She addressed the rest of the group "are a little tired from the long travel." She pressed a kiss to Phillips forehead and with another yawn left the room.

"See what I mean." He growled and glared at the clock on the mantel over the fire. "It's half eight in the evening."

"Talk to her?" Florian offered. "Say you miss talking with her but you never want to wake her because she looks so peaceful." He waved a hand dramatically.

"You're a natural romantic aren't you."

"I'm Prince _Charming_ after all. Let's not forget my father's surname is actually Perrault. Charming's just a nickname boys." He grinned saucily before downing his whiskey with the skill of a practiced man. "Now we'll let you sleep in tomorrow but for now how about we have a good game of cards?"

Indeed two mornings afterwards, dear Phillip was not seen and neither was Aurora. Both were inexplicable absent from breakfast, Phillip feigning a headache and Aurora was looking after him. At least that's what the valet told the assembled Royal persons. Florian just grinned while Cinderella cooed over them.

"Maybe we should pop in with a posset or something?"

"Nonsense darling, Aurora is perfectly capable of dealing with Philip's…illnesses." Florian soothed his anxious bride with a soft smile and the blonde princess smiled sweetly back at him.

"If you're sure that Philip will not be upset by us entertaining ourselves without him, Aurora told us yesterday there was an absolute charming waterfall that we simply _must_ see. Will you come with?"

"Of course sweetheart, run along we'll arrange the horses." He winked at the Princes and they all left towards the stables softly chuckling to one another, much to the bemusement of their Princesses.

"Must be a Prince thing?" Ariel shrugged with Cinderella and Snow.

~Disney~

The next couple to host the Royal party was Ariel and Eric. Ariel had selected the little wooden chalet built on the beach to amuse her friends, with a fire built on the beach the princesses would spend the evening larking on the sand, dancing through the waves and singing to one another – something the princes' would neglect to see. They would be stowed away in the castle, lounging in a room Eric called a study… but was something more akin to a drawing room, a drawing room that could easily fit twenty visitors and still have a dance space.

"Go on then Ricky, what's your problem?" Florian raised his glass to the dark haired prince.

"What do you mean?" Eric arched one brow.

"You've been sat there brooding all evening, so spare us the distractions and tell us what's wrong?" After a beat of silence, Eric started to pour his woes to his close friends.

"How long does your princess spend in the bath?"

"…an average amount?" Ferdinand answered slowly. "Why, is Ariel always in the bath?"

"Like every evening for at least two hours." Eric exclaimed. "That's not normal is it?"

"Your wife is part fish." Philip reminded him.

"I know, that's what I'm worried about – what if she's missing have the fishy tail and I can't satisfy her life on land anymore?" Eric said in a mad dash.

"Have you spoken to her about it?"

"No, that's not something I would ever do."

"Well why not?!" Florian grunted. "All Ella ever tells me is to communicate more, and since that's happened we have got along better. At first she had been hesitant to tell me about her life before I married her but after a little persuasion I managed to find out how horrid her stepfamily was." At his friends' confused looks Florian waved his hand dismissively. "I'll explain in more detail later. But seriously Ricky, talk to the woman tomorrow and come back to us in the evening. We're here for a week we can get to the bottom of this fishy business." All of his advice had been said with a straight face but Charming couldn't resist the wisecrack, and received a hard punch in the leg for his trouble.

Duly Eric did approach Ariel just before her evening ablutions the next night.

"Sweetheart…" He caught her just as her hand hovered on the door.

"Yes my darling?" She turned with a smile and openness in her eyes.

"Can I join you in there?" He nodded at the door and Ariel's eyes widened.

"Oh … but er…"

"I just want to be there for you and if you want to go back beneath the waves I won't stop you but honestly Ariel I just need to know…"

"Sweetheart!" Ariel put her hand over his hand, stemming the outpour of words. "What do you mean, going back beneath the waves?"

"You just spend so much time in the water, if you want to go back to your father's realm I will understand." Eric hadn't meant to say so much – communicating openly wasn't something he had necessarily been taught as a key part of a Royal marriage but his fears just seemed to run from his mouth before he could catch them.

"I'm going nowhere love." Ariel smiled at him. "But … I am spending a lot of time in the bath because of my ocean life." She dithered on the spot. "Okay, come with me." She took his hand and the pair went into the room that was reserved for Ariel's special purchase. It was a huge stone bath in the middle of the room, especially crafted so that it was like a mini pool. It was raised, with steps leading up to it so when one was to stand in it, the water would reach their waist. "Promise not to freak out too much?" Ariel was looking anxious and Eric nodded as she left him at the edge of the room.

She dropped her gown and looked back shyly at him, something Eric greatly enjoyed. He adored seeing her bare – as would most men – but she stepped towards the pool and ascended the stone stairs and took a deep breath. Glancing at him once more, Ariel quickly sank beneath the water and now Eric realised why she spent so long in the bath. There was her tail again, moving slightly beneath the still waters, causing eddys and whirls in the water.

"Ah." He broke the silence, realising his wife was holding her breath for his reaction.

"I spend so long in here because I'm trying to control it." Ariel chewed her lower lip.

"Control it?" He crossed the room to lean on the sill of the bath.

"Yup, to make my tail my legs at will. I'm almost there but it needs a little more practice." Ariel shrugged and Eric laughed softly.

"Then can I come and join you in here more often." He watched with delight as his mermaid princess had a rather sultry look in her eye.

"When I perfect it, then you can most definitely join me in here." She splashed water at him before grinning cheekily up at him. She kissed him lightly on the lips and the pair spent the next two hours lazily enjoying one another's company.

When the Princes' went out for their morning ride, Florian nudged Ferdinand with a knowing smile, before steering his horse to join a rather smiley Eric.

"So you sorted your bath time problems then?" He muttered and Eric laughed.

"I did, you are a great help Florian." Eric clapped him on the back.

"Glad to hear it, now race you to the old oak." Charming pointed off to the distance and the four men were soon covering the distance.

~Disney~

Ferdinand's Forest Retreat would be the next time the Princes' joined together for a bit of 'man time'.

"Not allowed to hunt here mind." Ferdinand grunted as he pushed open the door. It was a fairly modest cabin; there would be no servants joining them, the men were blissfully on their own for the weekend.

After news of Aurora's pregnancy broke the womenfolk in the whole castle were all atwitter and despite her travel here by litter, there were strong protestations of riding off into the forest. Thus every princess had stayed behind. Snow had been more than happy to accommodate her friend's new condition with light pleasures and merriments. Each princess had bid her husband farewell and soon left to discuss nursery plans. The Princes had rode across the forest, stopping off at various beauty spots and Ferdinand had had the servants set up an archery course at one point for the men to practice before leading his friends to their place for the weekend.

"No hunting?" Philip had flopped down on one of the fur covered armchairs and tiredly tugged his boots off.

"Not here, this Cabin is usually Snow's – hence the rather feminine interior design." He waved at the lace doilies on the surfaces. "Nah this is where Snow convenes with the woodland creatures she had while she was in hiding."

"You alright Ferdy?" Eric had flopped into an armchair while Florian stoked the fire and Philip poured the drinks.

"Yes, and no." He rubbed a hand tiredly over his face.

"We're waiting." Florian grinned, taking the crystal cut glass tumbler from Philip with a nod.

"You're all gossips did you know?" Ferdinand snorted but settled down. "It's the bloody animals!"

"Animals?" Eric raised a brow.

"Animals! They're everywhere." He jumped up and there was silence for a moment. "Every day I see some rabbit, squirrel, rat scurry into my castle to consult with my wife over some daft idea to preserve the forest." Ferdy growled, now pacing the floor grunting to himself.

"Okay now breathe." Eric held a hand on the other man's shoulder.

"I am breathing."

"Clearly, and seeing red at the same time. Are the animals really so bad? Cinders is always chattering away to her mice while she sits in the library."

"I wish it was just one room but they consult with her, with the Queen of this land." Ferdinand shook his head. "She goes to them for advice and then comes to me."

"I'm going to give you the same advice." Florian shrugged. "Talk. To. Her."

"And say what? I'm green eyed over a fluffy rabbit?"

"Yes. Be honest with her." Eric shrugged. "It's worked wonders for Ariel and I."

"So you're enjoying bath time then." Philip grinned and was rewarded with a throw pillow launched at his head with great accuracy.

"As I was saying, tell Snow that you're upset she won't share her problems with you. You may not share the same language as the animals but you'd like to help her rule your shared kingdom."

"Really, this is what marriage is really about?" Ferdinand sat back down on the sofa and rested his head against the back. "I swear mother and father didn't do this much talking. Every time mother threw a tantrum, father just went hunting and every time father had a sulk mother just carried on sewing."

"And did you have a happy childhood?" Florian challenged.

"No it was bloody miserable." Ferdy snorted a laugh. "Point conceded, I shall talk to her." He let out a soft sigh and a huff. "Bloody women."

"Aye, be thankful you've only got wives the three fairies have predicted I'm going to have a daughter as well." Philip groaned in jest but the men soon rallied around the father to be.

By the time the Royal Processions left the Enchanted Forest, Ferdinand was regularly called away from social gatherings by a rabbit tugging on his trouser leg or a deer bowing to him rather gracefully. Occasionally Snow remembered that she had human servants and sent one who could actually talk to Ferdinand but in all honesty her Prince didn't mind the furry messengers – Snow was actually including him in decisions now. And all it took was a little bit of talk.

~Disney~

"Go on then Florian what problems do you have?" Ferdinand was looking rather smug with himself as he was the next of the Prince's to announce the birth of a beautiful baby. The bonny babe had shining brown hair like her father but the pale skin of her mother and he was undoubtedly in love with the tiny infant. He'd have brought Rosalind with him but Snow was showing the new princess off to her cohorts.

"Problems in my marriage Ferdy? Very few after listening to you lot moan after the last year or so." Florian was stretched out on a balcony high up in his castle looking up at the stars with the rest of his princely brothers.

"You must have something." Eric rolled on his chaise to face him.

"She likes to clean, but I've gathered most of our brides do – having been raised to look after themselves. She talks to animals but nowhere near to the extent of Snow, and she sleeps and bathes a regular amount." Florian shrugged. "She's pretty lovely the way she is." He smiled up at the stars again. "In fact I utterly adore her the way she is."

"Why Florian Charming, you're utterly smitten."

"I fear that may be true lads." Florian shrugged again.

"There has to be something that annoys you?" Philip exclaimed.

"Let me think." The hosting prince tapped his chin in thought. "Ah maybe the shoes."

"The shoes?" Eric repeated.

"Ella has a fascination with shoes, actually it's probably an obsession." Florian's brow furrowed as he mentally examined his wife's delight in buying new shoes. It was a point that she visited a shoe maker in every Kingdom they visited. "Yeah… It's the obsession with shoes." He frowned. "Gods so many shoes! I've had to turn a _ballroom_ over to her footwear fetish. One of every shade, not just every colour but every **shade** – I said they were purple, she told me there was heather, lavender, grape and orchid. Then there's every fabric for the damn things to be covered in but I swear she still favours the glass ones that Godmother gifted her with. Well after Godmother gave her a second when old Tremmy broke the first." Florian was on a roll now. "Then the cost of the carpenter to make new cupboards for the numerous things. Every shelf perfectly crafted and the ladders needed for each! She has a Lady in Waiting solely for shoes!"

"Now breathe." Eric interrupted the next tirade with a glass of wine, which Florian took gratefully.

"What is it you always tell us?"

" **Communicate**." Philip blinked up at him mock-innocently.

"Sod off. It wasn't a problem until you quizzed me about it." Florian sat himself back on the stone balcony and frowned into his glass. "Bugger that's really going to annoy me now."

"She can't buy many more."

"Oh she can."

"I can." Cinderella raised a brow from the door. The men jumped up suddenly at the emergence of the blonde and she coolly stared down Florian who looked aghast at seeing her. She frowned, gazing at her genuinely horrified husband. "But if you ask nicely I may refrain from buying them." She narrowed her eyes. "That's only because I heard you say you were utterly smitten with me." She still wasn't smiling but her face had softened somewhat.

"You heard it all?" He gaped. "My darling I am so sorry…"

"Every word, and actually you missed a shade of purple that I own, it's called Tyrian purple and they're the ones I wear before bed." She watched him colour. "You understand Florian Adalbert Perrault that you will not see the Tyrian purple ones for quite some time if you continue in your rant and that the only shoes you will see, are the ones I will be throwing at your head?" He nodded furiously.

"Then I accept the apology and for the rest of you… be thankful I am the only wife that heard." They had all straightened up at her icy words to Florian, genuinely scared of the petite princess before them. "Honestly, I thought women gossiped but you are all terrible, so we shall forget this moment in time and you…" She pointed at Ferdinand "Shall join your wife in the nursery, along with you." She turned on Philip. "As I believe Aurora and Leah are also in the nursery. As for you," Her gaze turned to Eric, "Ariel said something about how she had lost her bath towel and that she was borrowing yours. I'm presuming its code for something entirely salacious and while we girls share _everything_ and I really mean everything, I have no interest to know what you two will get up to tonight. Run along." She ordered and the three men fled with mumbled words to Florian who was left entirely unprotected on the balcony.

"I love you." He offered to her, despite feeling unbalanced by his darling princess he felt a rush of tenderness at her straight talking.

"I love you too, but ever insult my shoes again and Gus Gus will eat holes in your clothes." She said lightly and stepped towards him. "Now kiss me before I change my mind about forgiving you."

"Yes Ma'am."


End file.
